*It is very weird how some little drops of rain can change the mood; it is weird how simple things can affect us.

*I adore costal cities and particularly our Alexandria, I love the weather, the view, the sunrise the hanging outs but when it comes to swimming, I prefer Marsa Matrouh and never thought of Alexandria.

*It is very complicated when you take some time to think wisely about the father and son relationship, and the way you will use to raise your child.

*I always wanted to be a friend with my father but succeeded to do so only in the last five years, so I am trying to be a better friend with my son from his first days.

*I love the big gatherings of friends as much as I love the gang of three going outs, in the end I always feel both are needed from time to time, to melt in the crowd sometimes and to talk freely with no boundaries with friends for other times.

*I really hate to stay alone but sometimes I prefer the solitude or the company of a book to the company of certain people in my life.

*I love the casual people I meet every day around me because simply they were the ones chosen for me to see each day in my life, although most of them are not even my type.

*I stayed a long time not moving and it is time to make a move, I cannot believe how true this sentence is right now.

*I need to stay a while reading and exploring new places and new things, I feel I am living an output life for so long and I need a new input phase in my life to be able to continue.

*Something weird happened to me these days, some new feelings are conquering my world, I begin to loose interest in lots of my principal activities and my head is full with new ideas and new ideas but I have a lake of time to fulfil them.

*After a long discussion with several of my old married friends, I discovered it is somehow hard or unpleasant for them to live a simple faithful marital life in a community like ours.

*Facing all the bad intentions and the ugly feelings we meet in our daily routine, most of the people are relieved to live with two different personalities at least.

*People need to have any kind of a second life in order to have any kind of hope to fulfil what they miss or fail to do in their principal real life.

*People never stop needing things and running after new technology and new crazy ideas, it is a global rush to catch what they think they will miss before death.

*Robberies and frauds are everywhere these days, people are getting hungry, life is being from hard to difficult and the next phase will be a disaster.

*I need a big shower under the rain to restore my winter spirit again and get rid of this silly summer spirit that is holding me.

I wanted to run away from all what is surrounding me, I was very upset and mad and furious and wanted anything to get me away of this world, I wanted to write and write all my thoughts of anger forgetting all my surroundings and trying to get rid of this anger in a peaceful way. May be it’s not totally a brave act from my part , may be I should reacted immediately, may be lots of things but what I am sure of is that it is better to respond later. It is better to prepare your respond and your words, it is better always to react from a strong stable point not a rush hazy one.

It was a common conversation that made me realize, how pathetic and silly to fight and kill yourself in a rotten place and for a rotten case with rotten people. How you should choose your future and path before choosing the fights and the different ways of overcoming obstacles, how you should choose your mates, your team members and whom exactly you will avoid totally if you had a choice.

I was learning the lesson of my life in the hardest way ever, day by day and bit by bit, I was in the phase of learning from my mistakes instead of blaming the universe about my miserable life.

It is like hitting a great dam every day in the morning with a hammer, hoping that one day you can tare this dam down, but deep inside you know it is impossible, it will never happens and you still fight for this to happen with the same passion and spirit until you win or just dye fighting.

I am sure I will calm myself in minutes and will overcome my anger to complete my day in work, I am sure also somehow I will make fun of what happened today and will end up laughing at what happened, may be this is my way to overcome such bad feelings or unfair situations.

-Most of the love stories I have seen or lived were forbidden relationships and were doomed with failure from the first minute and yet in the memories of people they represent the love story of their lives. Although regular love stories, when you think everything is perfect the parents, the friends and the circumstances they only fail a bit later, sometimes even after marriage and children.

-Love for a large number of people I know is like a big lovely dream, a dream you have for several nights, a dream that ends in the land of reality, when all the masks fall and people return to act like human beings and not angels, in the end they prefer an arranged marriage over a love story, may be to be more secured, with all the good and the bad surprises it brings.

-One of my teeth was hurting me for sometime; I delayed the dentist visit for months, even in Ramadan I supported pain without painkillers. After fixing the bad tooth, I discovered that the fear of the dentist visit is sometimes bigger than the pain itself, and you end up supporting more pain for a long time instead of a small one-time pain.

-The choice we have in life is mainly based on the way you decide to live and deal with life and people around you. You loose if you continue as a normal human being with all his mistakes and you win if you overcome your humanity and choose to be a superior creature dealing with life in a different way, helping, contributing and changing it into a better life for you and the people around you.

-The people who are leaders by nature are never afraid of competence or challenge; they usually earn their position in life and between people from helping others around them, and not as most of people think by using people around them.

-It is very hard to have one defined strategy when it gets to raise a child, you only should keep the faith and try to be always honest in everything you do or say, keeping in mind you are always seen as a raw model and you represent the source of love for someone.

- Getting older makes you appreciate elder people more and more and make you seek and enjoy the company of your parents and grandparents more than ever, but suddenly you find yourself away of the youth new language and terms, which makes you feel how aged you got.

- Friends are sometimes the reason of your happiness in life but in other times the source of the real pain you ever feel, but usually the least you expect, the best you get.

-Sometimes you are forced to deal with bad people for long times and you end up surprised with a natural act of goodness.

-It is never about a certain place or a certain time or luxury at all, if you choose your companions carefully, you will enjoy every moment you spend, even if you are changing a flat tire in the middle of the desert.

-Some people loose their hope in their marriage after a week, others after a month, sometimes after a year, most of the people after 7 years, and few of them never loose hope in their marriage and continue living happily until the end of their marriage.

-Success is totally related to happiness; don’t show me a wealthy business man living a lonely sad life trying to convince me this is success, I think the real success you reach in your life equals the number of people who loves you and care about you.

I hate my work, I hate that someone controls your action and forbid you from taking days off without any knowledge or logic, I hate how I cannot go bring my wife from the airport in Cairo, I hate feeling helpless sometimes and may be this is why I am considering working for others a temporary phase.

I am thrilled to rejoin my family again after two weeks of travel, I feel I missed them very much, I feel it even hurt a bit in my heart when I thought of them, never thought I will be attached to my family this way, it seams that love hurts as they say.

When they arrived to Cairo, we had lots of phone calls and lots of talk but I missed seeing and feeling them, I missed returning home and relaxing between the two of them, between their laughs and screams, their happiness and sorrows, I miss living through them my pour little life.

When can we earn our freedom? When can we break these chains? When can we live life, as it should without fear or worry?

Is it attainable in this life? Is it ever attainable? Are we prisoners of our fears or habits or customs or standard of living? Are we materialistic to this extend without even noticing? People should fight for their freedom to be earned one day; they should fight to be free from chains of a certain life style and luxurious standards of living needs.

They should search for what really brings happiness to their hearts and set it as a goal instead of running after smoky globalization ideas.

I read a wise story about life two days ago, a philosopher wanted to teach some of his students about life and how misguided we could live through it.

He offered them different shapes and colours of cups of tea, and waited for them to choose, and after finishing the tea, he sat calmly and began his analysis.

They all took time to choose the nicest cup from all cups and then they spend some other time looking to each other’s cups without even noticing it was the same tea in each cup, forgetting to even enjoy this simple cup of tea.

Life is just like the tea in the cup, and many things we fight for in life are just the cup itself, although you can enjoy your tea in any cup regardless its size or colour or price, but some people spend their life time not enjoying any thing of life just to bring a certain cup they searched for.

You realize then that the quality of the tea in the cup is much important from the quality of the cup itself and you have to enjoy your cup of tea before it is too late.

You try to make something of your life; you try to put a value to your actions, you try to fulfil your destiny and you try to make people around you and your beloved ones as happy as you can just to bring a value or a meaning out of your whole life.

It is early morning, a very calm day for me, am at office but I feel exhausted, the weather is marvellous today with a warm sun and some chilly wind, it is better than your dreams, a strange feeling between enthusiasm and hope and may be a bit of Sleep Lake.

I began my day with a very strange quote in my calendar, a weird sentence first time for me to read, it says: “Hell is forbidden on those who are tender, easy going and peaceful”

It pushed my mind to process ideas, It made me think, it kind of moved me in a way, it was never easy to be kind and easy going and peaceful with people it took some hard self control and temper management just to smile to people in this daily stress and the speedy life style.

Trying to occupy myself instead of that continuous thinking about my family, I organized a barbeque party tonight in Kreir, I hope it succeed from the organization part, it will be difficult to arrange all these people and all this needs.

Had a strange phone call today from my mother, normally in my week schedule, I spend Fridays with my family and it worked until this week, when she announces on the phone, she is not satisfied with one day in the week, she needs another day and I should arrange my time in any suitable way.

We argued about me working day and night and her busy schedule with her friends, her work and  my father, but all this argue fail in a dramatic way and she replied that I should arrange myself  or she will get angry with me and subject closed, I will have to rearrange my schedule then, poor me.

My mother the last dilemma in my life, the only person I am still confused about, the only person I rather hate and love to talk with in the same time, she is the only person that never loose it.

With us, and here I mean me and my brothers and all her big family, she is always the guardian, the advisor, the ultimate right person, the one you will have to justify yourself in front of and the one who will always accept only what is right despite any other logic.

I always wished she could be one of us, I always wished I could talk to her like a normal human being, I always wished she could understand how much I need to just talk and tell what I have in my heart with her, without worries or fear of being misjudged or misunderstood.

Mothers the hidden angels in people’s life, the unstoppable care and fear about your life and future and the caring breath you get from life. The one who will not ever give up on you, the one who will love you despite what you did or will do in life, although I have a tough strong mother but I adore her more than any person in my life now.

In the middle of all these strong feelings she is used to give, she never found time to chat or to talk about life, about what she feels or think, may be about nothing, just normal talk, may be by time this lost conversation between us will eventually take place.

In the middle of all this angry tone of voice and the enthusiasm to express her opinions in what I am doing in my life or what I should do.

In the middle of the long arguments and just when I feel I am getting angry, I just remember her will, I just remember why she fights me, I just remember why she is mad of me, which brings me down.

She always wanted what is best for me and she never accepts from me less than that, she is fighting me just for my own benefit, just for my own sake, it is a blessing in our lives we never realize until it is too late.

 God bless my mother and all the lovely kind mothers we have.

*What a day, waking up late this Saturday, my relaxing day of the week, alone in house, with my TV and laptop, had my morning cup of Nescafe as usual, and was enjoying a good relaxing mood, nothing was disturbing me except the idea that I am alone and away of my family.

*It is very different when you choose to stray alone for sometime because you need some rest or peace of mind and when you are forced to be alone for sometime with no choice at all, it sometimes hurts.

*It needs some time alone and some relaxation to realize these simple facts in life, when you think about your life and others lives around you, you begin to realize and see things.

*Who is not living at least with two characters in his life, who is totally honest with the himself and with his beloved ones, who don’t lie from time to time, who can simply deny his humanity.

*When you were young you used to lie because of fear, then by time you grow and begin to lie because of social issues, then you get older and lie only to your beloved ones in order not to hurt them, and finally you realize that no one deserves to be lied to and you end up not lying at all to any one as you should have did from the start.

*I feel confused and sad, for two weeks before my family departure I felt  I couldn’t get enough of them, tried to give them more time and to stay with them as much as I could but this hunger didn’t stop and I miss them now more than ever, silly stupid emotions.

*A strange combination of contradictory feelings, you cannot enjoy life as you should when they are not around and you cannot enjoy life as you should when they are around, simple realization then you should enjoy life in a different way to suite your new way of living.

*I am heading some major changes in my daily job, some worries and some fears of the new administration, people are getting ready and others just lost hope in any changes, I always have some hope in life and no one can take that from me, not even some fool French people.

*Planning to spend next week end in Kreir, to enjoy some sun and some sea and to get away of my daily routine, I invited my brothers to join me, may be it would get me out of this sad lonely mood.

*I think the summer weather and mood has a big influence on me, I think half of my bad mood is due to this fact, I hate summer, hate hot weather, hate sweat and shining burning sun, and it seams like a very hot summer this year.

* ”As if women could love a man because he is good” one sentence that hanged in my head from yesterday, said by Emma Watson in a weird movie yesterday, she meant that women love naughty guys more than good guys, good for me then.

It is Thursday the day just before weekend; every body is thrilled and excited from the morning as if we are having a feast tomorrow, today they will surely order food but I think that I prefer eating with my family.

I liked the dining mood of this work gatherings more than the food itself, except if we are ordering from “Balbaa” this famous food manufacture.

Finally, we managed to gather a cute bunch of friends at work; a bunch of just normal people, which is somehow rare in the work community these days, people you can enjoy talking with, without fear or misunderstandings, people in some days are the best thing that happens to you.

Usually in Thursdays, I try to arrive home early to enjoy playing a bit with Yahiya, a lovely home made meal and some relaxing on my favourite couch beside my lovely wife.

As simple as this target may be, I consider it the best time in my whole week; it is like stealing some fun from time.

At night I go out with my friends, to an estimation round or a late dinner, or a fancy café, sometimes we go to the north coast, one of our summer cabins and we spend the night there playing and eating and some time sleeping.

It seams I get used on previous planned busy days which was not the case before, they excite me more now than normal plan days, even if they are more exhausting but you try to enjoy each second with anxiety and passion.

 The speedy life is a matter of habit anyway, you get used to do things in a rush, you get use to drink your coffee while running, you get used to hard music to make you speed on your way to work.

You get used to enjoy life to its maximum in each moment because there is no time to relax while doing so; you try to enjoy the remaining of your life in a hysterical speedy way, trying to prove to yourself that you will not loose anything through days.

It seams I am forced to get used to this life with no choice and I needed to just brighten things in front of my eyes, I am sure I will never enjoy speedy life over calm one, this is simply not my nature.

I am looking forward to spend a good funny Friday with my whole big family, plans are made from two days to arrange for this gathering.

Lately I enjoy these gatherings very much more than I use to when I was a little kid, I now enjoy seeing my son playing with his mates and me enjoying memories and fun with my old siblings.

I need to integrate some Quran readings in my daily routine; I must do so in the next vacation, I realized I do it only in Ramadan although it brings some magical calm to my heart and soul.

It is early morning, somehow this day began in a write way, I feel enthusiast and content with no reason at all, may be cause I spend all the my yesterday playing with Yahiya and then sleeping beside him.

The sun is warming the world and the sky is clearly blue, the sea is quite as if waiting and a chilly wind is cooling the air, the orange curtains are colouring the room with a cosy magical light and the sound of slow music is coming from nowhere.

Called my wife to tell her good morning she was just awake so she was not in the mood,

I sense love in the air, a romantic feeling is slipping into my heart slowly, may be it is the change in seasons, may be the beginning of summer madness, but it is out there, I can feel it.

I need a love story in my life, something to read about or to hear about or to see whether in real life or in photos, something to fire my imagination about love and romance again, cause it seams I am out of romance for sometime now.

I met an old lady this morning, she is quietly bigger than my mom by 10 Years, I was solving a problem for her, we chatted for at least one hour.

I enjoyed this chat very much and admire the lady more than ever, she has a kind face and a kind smile, a beauty that cannot be neglected even with her old scratches.

Some grey and yellow hair falls on her shoulders giving her a certain undeniable charm and an angelic walk with a tiny body that leaves an impression of what used to be a great body one day. from general things to personnel things, from life and love and how we see them in general to a self experience of about 30 years and then alone again, fighting to find someone to spend the rest of her life with.

Quite a romantic dreamy love story that unfortunately ended in real world with some kind of betrayal, she loved a man and after agreeing to spend life together until death, he left her once he noticed they got old and chose to spend the rest of his days running after someone younger.

They met few years later, he was sorry to what he brought to his life and regrets what he lost  with her, she didn’t blame him for what he did to her life , she has already forgiven him but still she prefers to continue her life alone or with someone else instead of this doomed relationship.

I could not stop myself from admiring her;

Despite our short meeting and our one time chat, she entered my mind and thoughts and stayed there all day long, could not stop myself from comparing my life to hers.

I compared my lame story to her interesting life and realized some few obvious points, it is more than enough to spend your life searching for what you desire and keep searching until you find it better than spending a lifetime trying to enjoy what you have as it is. 

Each week from Monday to Wednesday, I work two shifts, one from 9am to 5.30pm with an hour brake and another shift from 8pm until 10pm.

For so long now I felt some unexplained injustice why do I have to work two shifts, why do I have to waist my life in stupid office work, why can’t I at least like what I do to be able to some creativity may be.

Today morning while heading to work, while I was quietly thinking alone in my car I realized the fake of this injustice I feel.

I decided that what I am doing is still not enough, I am spending lots of my time working and in the end getting less than what I expected and deserve.

So I decided to go for a next step in my life, either truly changing my career to find a better full time job to spare me my second shift in work, or some studies that can one day upgrade my knowledge to fit into a better position aiming the same goal.

I felt I needed to fight with life more, I felt I needed to waist all my energy on my jobs even if I don’t admire what am doing, but I will try to enjoy fighting for my goals.

Sometimes I think of my work experience as a fuel to one life project I will start one day, one idea to fight for until death, and to build your career above with out fear.

One project to utilize all my skills and upgrade my life from a worker to an investor, one simple yet efficient idea, unfortunately I do not have the luxury to wait for this idea to come.

Woke up early relatively, played a bit with Yahiya and had to leave him cause he must see the sun as I was told by his mother, so they left me home alone and went to play in the sun in the club may be I was planning to spend the day relaxing.

Found a nice movie in movie channel but muted it and downloaded some photos from my camera, while listening to some of my music, prepared a mug of Nescafe and had a moment of peace enjoying music.

The lights were a bit grey, there is no much sun today a kind of perfect day for me, I was very busy minded with an idea from yesterday, the real truth about things.

About right or wrong, about good and bad, about angels and demons, about getting even with what you did, about  death and will we be able to realize the truth before it or after it or will we ever know this truth.

I think one day we may know the truth about our life, about our choices, what is the reality beyond our preferences and what they really reflect on our lives.

One day you will be just dealing with the results of your own preferences, one day you will not have the energy to deny what you really did to your life, as it will be clear in front of your eyes.

What is the real message you send to people around you and do you really mean what these messages are telling, a big difference between what you think people see in you and what they really see from you.

People spend a life time without knowing what people think of them, and fell into mental illness when they hear reality about themselves, other dye without knowing the truth.

I know some people who are underestimating themselves others overestimating themselves, I know people surrounded with love and they do not see it or appreciate it others are away with no one to love them.

So may be from my point of view, the better image you have is totally related to the number of loving people around you, the quantity of love around you defines the image you reflect, I said love or loving people not just people, cause celebrities and rich people are always surrounded with people but not necessarily love.

People are born with big signs, things that have an affect on the way they were viewed through others eyes, like perhaps a big anything, a big nose, a big belly, a big mouth, a big teeth, big eyes, or up normal things, like weird colours, different eyes….etc

Things that defines them just figural speaking in the eyes of people, some people are incredibly cute, others are normal looking, some people are brutally ugly, others are disgusting.

It is and was always your character who defines you, how you really are seen from people around you, and how this image is transported to others through people word of mouth.

It is all about this image that you help to build in people minds but never had anything to do with its shape, it was shaped by people thoughts and opinions in your self, your ideas, your principles, your ethics, your actions in life through years and years of being just you.

This image whatever it was in the end, somehow reflects a great part of you and may be this is why it is usually so shocking when told, despite being good or bad it shocks people, you just are forced to realize how simple yet mystery truth could be.

It was a horrible moment of silence and darkness, something between life and death,

a moment with no control at all, suddenly you find yourself in a weird world of dreams and sounds are coming to you from a long far distance.

You do not really realize what is happening, you feel so alone, so empty, so week, so vulnerable and in the same time so free.

Nothing is attached to you anymore, you feel somehow floating in the air, lights are turning very fast from black to white, a strange feeling is conquering your heart something between happiness and sorrow, as if they never existed in your memory, you try to remember anything you can not even remember who are you.

You feel you are a much stronger yet weaker person, you feel as if you are loosing something and you have no control over it, you feel you are suffering and somehow you need to end this as fast as possible.

Suddenly some strange voices are getting louder and louder in you ears, some people are shooting your name, others are shooting with advices like move him upward, left his feet up, do you hear me, stay with me, are you ok now.

You try hard to just open your eyes and see around you fighting a strong feeling of sleep, and between the faces, you see what happened to you, you begin to recall what really happened, how you felt you are loosing your pressure. 

You felt a strange need for something sweet but had not the power to demand it.

How you felt very sleepy and tired all of a sudden, how you felt you are loosing it, how you shouted to your friends my pressure is getting down and I feel I am fainting.

The rest after that is a white sheet with no memory at all, a very clear white sheet, only full of emotions and feelings for a whole period of seven minutes, for me these minutes passed like ages.

How you was in need of help, how a bar of chocolate changed your status to alive again, how we need sometimes o bit of sugar to survive, how short life is, how death could be just closer to you than anybody else , and how it is never noticed.